Open Post: Hosted By Hundreds Of Pounds Of Pasta Mysteriously Dumped Along A New Jersey Creek

Last week, the New Jersey-iest mystery to have ever happen happened: hundreds of pounds of different varieties of pasta were dumped in a wooded area next to a creek. And though the mess was cleared away, no one has come forward to take the far-FALLE. Perhaps NJ’s own Chris Christie’s wettest dream of the Olive Garden bringing back the Never-ending Pasta Bowl came true!

People reports that a woman from Old Bridge came across the glut of gluten in a spot where she says all kinds of illegal dumping had been happening, though none as perplexing as the massive mounds of macaroni. She made a Facebook post to get the attention of the public works committee in hopes that they would go clean it up, which they eventually did.

Nina Jochnowitz, a community leader, estimated in a Facebook post that there had to be more than 500 pounds of pasta dumped by the stream in Old Bridge — which she tells PEOPLE “would be in better shape if the present administration, which has refused bulk garbage collection, would have it.”

She shared images of the dumped pasta online. Noodles ranged from elbow macaroni to spaghetti.

Soon after her post, and after she reported the ordeal to the town, Jochnowitz detailed that the area’s Public Works cleared the pasta from the area.

Here’s the pasta pollution:

Hundreds of pounds of cooked pasta mysteriously dumped in New Jersey woods.

MY HEART!!! 💔😭 pic.twitter.com/njl2aZjWmr

— Al Zullino (@phre) May 4, 2023

Even if it looks like a victimless (and delicious, if you’re high and wandering the woods) crime, apparently, the pH of pasta can have negative effects on the water.

“You might say, ‘Who cares about pasta?’ But pasta has a PH level that will impact the water stream,” she told the Philadelphia Inquirer. “That water stream is important to clean up because it feeds into the town’s water supply. … It was one of the fastest cleanups I’ve ever seen here.”

The internet was just as confused as Nina was and had some jokes and theories:

Sketch of the suspect: https://t.co/2pPPIA3EUI pic.twitter.com/yuqqzfQSm1

— Holly Gerardi (@HollyGerardi) May 4, 2023

No mystery here, this is a well-known, mob form of torture to force Italian made-guys watch perfectly cooked Al dente pasta be dumped in the woods and never be eaten.. https://t.co/SGeWOE7A8m pic.twitter.com/0JlKSOZRLO

— Dr. Danny Sanders (@dannysanders80) May 4, 2023

The local high school should probably be vigilant; it’s prom season and I’m worried the mysteriously missing marinara might manifest Carrie-style!

Pic: Facebook